I write this from a place of concern.
During our 10th week we went to meet our newly selected OB for the first time. I chose her based on her proximity to my new job, a coworker's recommendation, and my longstanding relationship with TriHealth. Additionally, her practice delivers at the hospital we were favoring. We were very excited. My mum and dad, with whom I am proud to still be very close to and with whom I have developed a solid relationship as an adult, came with us. They came because they are excited, and this will be their very first grandchild. Though my dad remained in the waiting room so as not to overcrowd, I asked my mum to come back with us. She has worked in labor and delivery and has nearly 20 years of experience in the medical profession. I knew going in what kind of delivery I wanted to begin preparing for, but I also was very new to this kind of discussion and wanted her there to help me if my words should flounder or if I faced any aggressive pushback… from the doctor. I very much hoped I wouldn't need her active support, but I really didn't know anything about this doctor.
She welcomed my fiance and myself into her office, but gave us a strange look and questioned whether or not I really wanted my mother to join us. At one point in the conversation, she said "not many 26 year old have their mother present for this," with a very telling tone. My condolences to all the other 26 year olds who, by choice or by unfortunate circumstance, did not share the joy of the motherhood journey with their own mums.
One of our intentions for this meeting was to get a feel for whether or not she would be supportive of our desire to have as natural a birth as my and the baby's health would allow. It seemed only natural (no pun intended) to mention this interest at the inagural meeting. Shockingly, we were told (in a tone designed to convey just how silly we were to even be asking) that it was far too early to be thinking about these kinds of things. Um. What? O...kay...
To summarize the rest of the meeting -- we were treated like the "lowest common denominator". That is, people clearly incapable of being informed and making our own decisions. I was still operating on the high of our newly confirmed pregnancy and hadn't ever had to convey too much to a doctor beyond "nope, never had issues with that" and "I get backaches when ______". Because of this, I didn't present myself as well as perhaps I could have -- at least, that's what I told myself when I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and continue going to her practice.
Over the next few months I saw two of the other providers. One had a very unforgiving bedside manner and expressed no sympathy for my concerns that my nausea was leaving me under nourished. When all I could keep down for weeks were simple things like pretzels and pasta, she seemed staisfied that at least I was able to do that much. I told her I wanted to improve the kind of nutrients I was putting into my body. After all, I was experiencing prolonged fatigue, frequent headaches, weakness, and more. At one point I was even showing signs of low blood pressure had to go to the ER for IV fluids due to dehydration. Anyway, this provider gave a few limp suggestions, and left it at that. What I haven't mentioned yet is that she too was clearly pregnant -- so, as I hadn't been around too many pregnancies, and she's supposedly a professional, I tried to convince myself that I was somehow over-reacting.
The other provider I saw there was a friendly gentleman, but as we didn't have any pressing concerns and it was still "so early" in our pregnancy, we didn't ask him any questions.
Before I go into the real meat and potatoes of this post, I would like to add that the technicians and other staff we encountered at this practice were very fun, friendly and courteous -- even if the two we mentioned the Bradley method to during our most recent visit had no idea what we were talking about.
Yesterday we went for our ~20 week ultrasound, anatomy scan, and our second appointment with the OB. The timing was perfect to get to meet with her again, as we had been to three Bradley classes by now and had received a helpful list of questions from our Bradley instructor. During our class earlier this week, I voiced my concerns about simply reading off a piece of paper to the doctor -- while that would be very helpful to me, I'd heard that doctors didn't respond well to this. She encouraged me to go ahead and do just that -- a good doctor would understand and be happy I was trying to educate myself and go over these important topics, rather than leave them and risk misunderstandings later on down the road.
The OB joined us in the exam room, and after she finished taking a brief look at my belly, I explained that we were taking Bradley classes and had a better idea of the kinds of things we wanted to be sure to discuss with her. I had the papers our instructor had given us, and a pen to take notes.
The questions were as follows, though I only wound up broaching 1-6, 8 and 9, and phrased some of them differently based on the direction of our conversation.
1. What is your policy on postdates, pregnancy and induction?
2. What percentage of your clients receive anesthesia or analgesia?
3. How much of my labor will I spend attached to continuous electronic fetal monitoring (EFM)?
4. Do you practice "Active Management of Labor?" If so, what does AML mean to you?
5. How is active labor determined by you? Is there a time limit placed on labor or any of its stages? What happens if I exceed that limit? How do you determine that labor progress is inadequate?
6. What measures are used to speed up labor?
7. Do you plan to rupture my membranes? If so, at what point in labor?
8. Will I have an episiotomy?
9. Will I be al
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