I had my first appointment with Dr. Urrea today and had to stop on the way home to get through a panic attack. A "poor" rating is a massive understatement.
When I walked into his office, it was him along with two female interns who were observing for the day. He asked me a few introductory questions and then asked, "Why are you here?"
I told him about my depressive episode last year and how I had gotten on medication, then I explained that I was there to make sure I could stay on my meds because they'd really been working, and also to work on my issues in therapy. It was an honest and straight-forward answer, so I was taken aback when, a few minutes later, he asked again, "But WHY are you here?"
"I thought I already answered that," I said.
He then started asking me questions about my day-to-day life, about living on campus as a college student and where I was from and how I was day-to-day. At first, I told myself he was just trying to determine how well my meds were… working. But with each question he asked, his tone got more and more patronizing, until it seemed as if he was really saying, "You look put together. You're young. You're working and going to school. You are functioning and not a mess in front of me right now. Why are you wasting my time?"
Eventually I interrupted him and said, "I'm sorry, are you asking these questions to determine whether I should be here or not?"
He just looked at me like I was stupid.
I felt so humiliated and belittled in that one look, and I said, "I had a depressive episode and got on medication and I've been doing pretty well since then, but that doesn't mean I'm CURED or something. I feel like you're just trying to invalidate why I'm here right now."
I continued to feel that way throughout the rest of the appointment, even though he started to be more professional and efficient with his questions. At that point, I was still incredibly uncomfortable and anxious and embarrassed and just wanted to get out of there before I cried.
But apparently Dr. Urrea felt the need to try and justify himself while further invalidating and humiliating me.
He said, "Pertaining to your... comment earlier, I've seen thousands of patients [as if I should be impressed] and I would never discourage them from coming here. It's like this -- you're wearing a hat right now, but I'm not wearing a hat. We don't have to agree on wearing hats." And then he turned to the interns and chuckled. "Well, I do wear hats on the golf course."
So let's unpack that. First, apparently depression = hat to Dr. Urrea. I was honestly shocked to hear him compare a serious mental illness -- the existence of which literally provides him with a job and all that money for him to spend on golf hats -- to an accessory that you can just take on and off at will. Second, he basically implied in a very belittling way that I could believe I had depression, but he didn't have to agree with me. At that point, I didn't just have to FEEL like he was invalidating me; he actually did it right in front of me. Third, he made a joke at my expense and laughed about it in front of me and the interns, humiliating me even more.
I've had a bad history with therapy and absolutely refused to go for years. I finally started going this summer -- a feat which was not easy, as much as it might sound. Thankfully, I love my therapist at Psychiatric Care Systems. The few appointments I've had with her have been great so far. However, the single appointment I had today with Dr. Urrea has brought me to the decision that if I can't switch to another doctor or there is not another one available, I'll be going elsewhere.
It's inexcusable that a mental health professional act so completely UNprofessional to his patients. And that's putting it lightly. He was rude, condescending, patronizing, belittling, etc. He quite literally made a joke of my depression and laughed in my face. He made a joke of ME and humiliated me in front of those interns.
As I said, I had to stop on the way home and wait in a parking lot until I could stop crying and could breathe through the tightness in my chest. That's how upset and affected I was.
A mental health professional who actually causes their patients to have panic attacks has no place in this field. Not only is he failing at his job but is causing more harm than good. Ultimately, I worry for all the mental health issues he's exacerbating in his patients. Who knows what he could trigger in someone?
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